One year later...

It's hard to believe that this time last year Sam was just a couple little cells finding a nice comfy spot in my tummy.

We've come such a long way! 2 and a half years of trying, 2 surgeries, few rounds of clomid and finally 1 successful attempt at IVF. And it couldn't have gone any more perfectly! Who knew? We spent so long trying and when it worked, it worked good! I had such a great pregnancy. I had such a great labor. Sam is such an amazing baby. The only thing is my less than stellar performance with breastfeeding, but in the grand scheme of things, it's just a small problem and I'm still able to give Sam something and that's good.

And with all the trouble, heartache and tears...I wouldn't do it any differently. I became a better person because of what we went through. I learned to become more grateful and patient. I learned to be grateful for what I have, to find the positive even when it seems there's negativity everywhere. I learned to respect my body and just marvel on how hard it works. I love Rob more than ever because we went through this together and he was always so supportive.

With all that, I know I will be a great mom to Sam. I love him so much and I'm so excited, so very excited to grow with him.

sam is made with love and science!

Sam & Suzy: 16 weeks

Me and Newton are trying to get Sam to roll over again.

It's been a week since I've been putting Sam to sleep in the infant sleeper. Glorious sleep! Sam sleeps so much sounder in there, giving us much needed sleep too. We usually put him to bed around 7:30-8pm and he won't wake up again till around 12 where he gets a bottle. After that, he won't wake up till around 5. That's awesome! I understand he can't always sleep in the sleeper, but for now I think it's better for everyone, including Sam, to get the best rest possible.

Last weekend we headed over to the Farmers Market. It was a lot of fun to just get out as a family. We had some awesome popsicles and I got this amazing breakfast oat cookie, which I now want to try making my own. Afterwards, we went and walked around Davidson College, which is right next to the market. It's such a nice campus with lots of trees. Sam was asleep, but me and Rob enjoyed the stroll. It was such a wonderful and simple outing.

Sam:
Sam rolled over! His first roll over was last Saturday! How exciting. Daycare says he's been now rolling over for them too. His crib paper now says, "I can roll over". I'm told he'll sometimes nap on his belly now. Funny because he doesn't do that at home.

Sam's also totally over just laying down all the time. He's always grunting trying to pull up his head. We try putting him in the bumbo, but he doesn't like it that much right now. I think because his core is still weak, so he's just hunched in it. Daycare put him in the exersauser and he loved it. He loves to be able to be upright and look around. I was really hoping I didn't have to get one of those since we're trying limit the amount of toys and clutter. But if he really enjoys being upright, it might be a good thing to get him. There's a consignment expo going on this weekend, I might head over there and check out to see if they have any.

Suzy:
I'm feeling great! I think it's mostly because I'm getting good sleep. I feel I'm eating better too.

I'm thinking about joining some sort of fitness class to jump start me getting back into shape. It'll also be good for me to get out and work out with a group. My co-worker totally recommends trying out Purre Barre . It sounds like a lot of fun and it's close by to home. Rob thinks it's a good idea too!

Shaping Up: 3 months post baby

bathroom shot!

I wasn't going almost wasn't going to write a shaping up post this month, but I want to be honest here even if I still have made no progress.

Yes, I again didn't lose anything. In fact, I actually gained some weight. Right now I'm at 131 lbs.

I'm not upset, which is good! I'm just stumped. Ok, I'm not exercising as much as I should and I'm eating healthier. But the week from my birthday to 4th of July was filled with bad eating and beers and it's not like before where a week of eating good will get me back to normal. I just can't use the tactics that I've used before.

I remind myself constantly that it's only been 3 months! That's such a short amount of time! And I also work, so my time is limited. I do what I can. Besides when I get home from work, it's more important for me to play with Sam than exercise.

Next month I'm going to start running again. Rob will be finished with his ultramarathon training and will be taking a breaking before he starts training for NYC marathon. That gives me a chance to be able to run on weekend mornings, which I'm excited about. Running is being outside, which is what I crave. With Sam right now, I'm pretty much stuck sitting most of the day.

So yeah. I didn't lose anything. Which is ok, it's all about how I feel and know that I will lose the baby weight.

Sam & Suzy: 15 weeks

Oh sleep. Why is baby sleep the thing everyone talks about? Why are we so obsessed about it? Why do we work so hard to get that baby to sleep on our terms? 

This week it became clear to me that when Sam sleeps in the pack 'n play, he wakes about every 2 -3 hours throughout the night. Doesn't sound too bad right? Well, when he sleeps in his swing or the sleeper he'll sleep 4+ hours. Last night 7 hours straight! From 9pm-4am! That's also with no formula bottle and just breast milk in the evening (breast milk is easier to digest so babies tend to eat more often). 

When he sleeps in his pack 'n play, he's more fidgety. His little legs flail about. He's too big and strong for blanket swaddling and the Halo Sleep Sak doesn't really hold his legs tight. I know Sam can't sleep in the sleeper all the time. He's going to eventually have to get used to just sleeping in the crib...but it's so dang awesome when I can get that extra sleep. I told Rob that I'm going to start trying more to have him nap in his nursery in the crib. If he gets used to that, then he'll be used to the crib at night.

Sam: 

This boy is just on the verge of so much! Sam is soooo close to rolling over from his back to belly! Every day I think he's going to do it. Even at 2am when he's trying to fall asleep and I'm half awake myself, I wonder if I need to run and grab my phone to record him rolling over. Most likely though, he'll roll over at daycare first, heh.

Another thing (and my most favorite), Sam is so freaking close to laughing! He giggled so very briefly on Monday. It was amazing! But of course, he has yet to do it again and I try so hard to get him to laugh. Although, since he is so close, he has the biggest smiles when he thinks something is funny.

This week he added "B" sounds to his vocabulary. He's refining his G's too. He's so proud of it too! Sam's also starting to look at our faces more when we talk. He's trying to figure out how Mommy and Daddy makes those awesome sounds.

Suzy:

I'm doing pretty good! I feel balanced inside. I am struggling with losing weight, one reason I haven't written this month's Shaping Up post (but i should anyways). But I decided I'll still be easy on myself until Rob finishes training for and running his ultramarathon, I'll then start running myself on weekends mornings.

T.I.L.T.

- Sam's learning to make new sounds, like "b" sounds, so cute!

- Using the Medela pump.

- My parents finally sold their house. Hopefully they can now relax a little.

- I signed up for this race. Ok, it's super easy only 1000 yards, but it's a race nonetheless.

- This week's veggies were brought by our boss. I love people who have gardens.

- I'm having fun reading: The Rithmatist by Brandon Sanderson

- I've also starting rereading The Girl Who Chased the Moon by Sarah Addison Allen. All her books are my go to summer reads.

- We got to play in the backyard on Sunday.

Pump it, Pump it good

So this past weekend in efforts to boost my supply, I did a power pump weekend! On Saturday and Sunday I pumped about every 2 hours during the day and feeding Sam when he was hungry. I also made these lactation cookies, bought new tea and a bottle a fenugreek herbs.

And the results?

For two nights in a row, Sam has not needed a bottle at the 3am feeding!

And pumping at work?

Well, I learned an important and sad fact on Monday. My pump sucks! I have the Ameda Purly Yours, which I got through my insurance (the Medelas kept selling out*frown*). But the Ameda one got very good reviews, some say it worked better than the Medela pumps. Over the weekend I tried out our friend's Medela pump to see how it works compared to mine. It worked real nice, but it was hard to tell if I was getting extra since my body was still adjusting to the increase of pumping.

Monday came and I was excited! I felt great. I could already feel a difference! And then I went and pumped with my Ameda...and did horrible. I barely got anything, no more than before the weekend. I seriously wanted to cry, all the hard work for nothing. I noticed that I didn't react the same way as I did with the other pump. So then today I brought the Medela pump to work and BAM! I got more in one pump than I did total yesterday with my Ameda pump. I actually have enough for a bottle for Sam tomorrow, yay! Oh and I believe the fenugreek pills helped too. Much cheaper that the other herbs I was taking too.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm sure the Ameda pump does work great for most people, but maybe since I'm not most people it's not the right pump for me.

Could that have been what I needed all along, a different pump? That's my fault for not renting the hospital pump when the lactation consultant recommended it. But when you breast, bottle and pump every two hours with a newborn for 3 weeks with barely any progress...it's incredibly stressful and tiring and I thought that it wouldn't have worked.

But no use beating myself up over it. I accomplished what I set out to do. I increased my supply and I'm proud and happy for that!! My friend is letting me borrow her pump for as long as I need it. Yay!

Sam & Suzy: 14 weeks

This is the first week where I was really bummed out about bringing Sam to daycare. I almost cried on Monday. It was nice having Sam with Rob's parents, knowing Sam was spending time and getting to know grandma and grandpa. Also with the somewhat long weekend last week, I got to spend a lot of time with Sam and it was fun.

Sam:
I love how Sam is finding his own voice. He's squealing so much more. So cute!

In the book, What's Going on in There? How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years of Life , I read that it's super important to talk to your baby as much as possible. The more words you use, the better your baby will develop its own talking and understanding of language. Reading to your baby is the best. Makes sense, you are using a lot of words and it's repetition when you read the same books.

At home, I'm a quiet person. I don't talk much and sometimes when I do things with Sam, I really don't talk to him. It's not as bad as it sounds! But I am starting to make more of an effort to talk with Sam. Also I'm going to make sure I read to him every day. He's old enough now to look at the pictures on the books too.


Suzy:
I went to the doctor's last Friday for my annual visit. I asked him about getting my period and how it makes me feel with the anxiety and all. Unfortunately, it's going to take a while for my hormones to even out. I'm starting to feel better this week. It also helps that I know why I'm feeling moody sometimes.

Lately I've been feeling a bit bummed out about my whole breast feeding situation. Sam is eating a lot more now and I did notice a slight dip in my supply. So when I pump, instead of having enough for one bottle the next day, it takes two days. Thankfully, giving up never crosses my mind. I will keep doing this for as long as I can!

So this weekend I am power pumping! Basically, I pump as much as I can over the weekend which a lot of moms recommend. The extra pumping triggers the brain to think that it needs to make more. I'm also making lactation cookies again, drinking the herbal tea and eating lots of oatmeal. My goal will be to boost my supply enough to where I can get at least one bottle for daycare the next day and to not have to give Sam a bottle in the middle of the night and not have him waking an hour later if I breastfeed. Wish me luck!

T.I.L.T.

- Watching Sam take baths and when he kicks the water all over the place.

- Sam's squeals and his serious face when talking.

- We've been getting a lot of thunderstorms.

- My niece is finally going to be officially adopted my brother and sister-in-law!

- I actually cooked dinner last Sunday.

- Eating lunch outside.

- Whenever Sam wakes up, he has the biggest smile.

- Seeing Rob talk and play with Sam.

- Squeezing in a work out.

- We got a free bag of some nice Starbucks whole bean coffee. Yum!

Fav. Photos: month 3

Here are some of my favorite photos from this past month!

so cute doing tummy time on the boppy

i love his little digits

he loves being outside

his personality is starting to show

smiles!

i love when he naps in my arms

sam and newton having fun

hello

swingin'

Sam & Suzy: 13 weeks

3 months

Sam's 3 months! He's officially a baby! Gone is the 4th trimester! Now the fun will really begin and Sam will be growing and developing like crazy.

How was everyone's Independence Day? Ours was low key this year. We went to our boss's house for a bit. Sam got to swing on the swing set and he loved it. Next year he'll be able to go in the pool and play with the other kids. Afterwards, we chilled at Rob's parents with everyone. Surprisingly, Rob lit off no fireworks and this is us who always has the cops show up at our house. Sam did great all day with everyone and all the excitement...but when he got tired, he was pretty cranky. Needless to say he slept good last night.


Sam:
Somedays he's just the same little baby doing the same things and then bam, he does something new and he's grown so much in the blink of an eye. Sunday I noticed him grabbing at his stuffed animal and looking at it. Like really paying attention to it. Also, when he bats at stuff his hands are open rather than in a fist. That's some big stuff happening in his brain!

He's also a lot more vocal. He still does the cute goos, but now he does more talking with longer "words". Sam 'specially loves doing this when he's slightly annoyed. "Waaaaa wa wa" aka I'm getting hungry and I could use a nap. He's also been crying a bit more too. It's mostly when he's tired and this week he's been staying at Rob's parents, so there's a lot more one on one attention and his schedule is a bit off. It's ok though, he is a baby afterall.

Suzy:
Getting my period last week got my hormones all screwy and I've had some bad anxiety this week. I really do notice an improvement when I take my placenta tincture. I feel a bit more clear headed. I go to the doctors today, so I'll ask him about it. But when I'm feeling great, I'm feeling great! And Sam makes me feel better too, 'specially when it's just me and him and he's all talking to me.

T.I.L.T.

- Everyone's birthday wishes. Thank you!

- My new camera.

- My new camera bag from HelloLulu.

- Rob's parents for watching Sam all week and making us dinner.

- Having our dogs play with Rob's parent's dog. They need the fun.

- Thunderstorms.

- My brother making an iPhone photostream with pictures of my niece.

- My sister messaging me old pictures of my nephew as a baby.

- Getting my Cook's Country magazine.

- Seeing Sam smile when I show him Newton, a stuffed animal I made.

- When Faith, the cat, sleeps next to me.

- Squeezing in a workout while Sam is still sleeping.

- Treats from coworkers.

- Being called a friend.

My fav baby gear so far...

I started this post a long while ago(look how small Sam is in some of these photos!). I don't know why I never finished it. But I love reading other blog's fav. gear posts. There's so much stuff out there and it's hard to know what's worth to buy and what is just silly.

wee little sam!

- Bright Stars Sleeper: I first bought this because I thought Sam was totally not happy with the pack and play crib and I was desperate to have him sleep on his own. Next day he was fine in the pack and play(of course). But! This sleeper turned out to be awesome anyways. We use it in the office when we are working in there, we bring it downstairs instead of lugging the pack and play and we bring it to grandma and grandpa's. We've been using for the past few weeks while Sam's been sick since laying flat on his back makes him cough from the mucus.


- Tommie Tippee Microwave Steam Sterilizer: Since we use bottles to feed Sam we need to clean them a lot. First we washed by hand, but that took forever and wasted so much water. Then we got a pack of the Medela microwave bags, which are great but each bag is 20 uses. One day I was at the store and I saw this Tommie Tippee one. How did I not see this before?? Me and Rob are loving it. It saves us so much time and water. It fits our Born Free bottles and my Ameda Breast Pump parts.

look ma, my head is straight!

- BenBat Head and Neck Support: Like all babies, Sam had no neck control and right neck muscle is super tight. When he's in his car seat his head actually looks like it's laying completely horizontal on his shoulder. Ouch. I looked around for a good neck support and even ordered one that really sucked. I saw this one and like how it supports the neck and head and it's super cute. It works well in his car seat and we even use it in the swing and sleeper.

hello molly!

- Infantino Pop & Play Activity Gym: When we first got this Sam love it, even though he'd just lay there looking at the lights and listening to the music. Now he bats at the toys and rocks out to the music.  And it totally makes him smile, which is a hit in my books. I love it because you can take out and swap some of the toys on it to keep it fresh and interesting. You can also take off the legs and use it for tummy time or strap it to the crib. Also, the music it plays is real fun. Reminds us of 8Bit video games.

- Look at the Animals book: Sam loves this book! When he was super little, he'd stare at it, taking in the high contrast pictures. Now when I read this book, he gets the biggest grin. I need to get more of these books.

- iPad and iPad: I just had to list these because it's seriously one of the best things to have while taking care of a baby. It keeps you awake during late night feedings with all its apps and the internet. The alarm wakes you up for late night feedings. If you need to search some baby related thing on the internet like Baby Hiccups at 2am it's awesome. If you're away from your computer and you realize you're about to run out of diapers, you can order it right there on the iPad. You can download apps to keep track of feedings and diaper changes. You can take photos and videos. You can video chat with family who is on the other side of the country. Sanity saver!

The language of babies.

If you're a mom to a baby, watch this! Ms. Pricilla Dunstan explains the language of babies and the 5 words/cries they use and what it means. It's pretty awesome and I can wait to listen to Sam next time he cries for something.

Pretty pictures

For my birthday I got a new camera. I've been wanting a good camera for a long time. I chose the Canon EOS Rebel T3, it's a great beginners digital slr and at a great price (for a slr). I want to be able to take nice pictures of Sam not only for me, but our families since they are so far away. And we don't ever need to go to a studio to get family portraits!

Since it's a good camera, I really want to learn it and not rely on the auto settings. I've even been watching videos on Canon's website. You'd think that I'd remember my photography basics from college, but I did get a D so maybe not. Hey, but I was the first in my class work in Photoshop instead of the darkroom!

Anyways! Here are a few photos that I took over the weekend. I need to work on focusing, a lot of the pictures are blurry on the main subject, but sharp just a bit aways. Either way, these still look amazing. I love my camera!

Faith by the window

Rob took this one

Molly!

Sam.

I love those toes!

Totoro on Sam's shelf.