Monday, October 7, 2013

Breast feeding 6 months later

my sign at work
With Sam being 6 months now, I've been thinking a lot about my breast feeding situation. In case you didn't know, I have low supply and have had to supplement with formula since the beginning. I would breast feed as often as I could and pump at work. And even though there's the rough nights where Sam only wants me, I love love love to breast feed with him.

If I could, I would breast feed Sam for as long as I can. Although, as Sam grows more and needs more, I can barely give him enough all together. Usually in the mornings, I'll breastfeed him around 6 and he'll be fine till 8:30-9. Sunday, he needed a bottle at 7:30. And at work, I'm lucky if I pump 4 oz in one day. Sometimes it takes me almost a week to make enough for one bottle. While I know my boss is cool with me pumping, I just feel like I'm wasting time when I pump so little. I think I'm past the point of power pumping weekends and herbal supplements.

Starting this week I'm going to cut down to one work pump and then when I can, stop pumping at work all together. That'll leave me with breast feeding Sam as soon as I get home, at bed time (with a bottle) and then in the morning. Then on the weekends continue with feeding him before every bottle.

It doesn't make me happy, but it's not worth the stress and frustration to keep pumping at work. And maybe it's my body telling me that we're at the end here. I did my best and I probably stuck longer than most girls in my situation. And also, who knows...I could still be breast feeding as much as I can when Sam's a year old!


Dena Joan said...

This makes me feel joyful (that you are such a wonderful mother) and so sad (because of my own situation) at the same time. I never thought that I would become so emotional about breastfeeding. When you think about pregnancy/motherhood/sadness, you think about postpartum depression, the stress of not sleeping, etc. But you (at least I) never thought that breastfeeding would be so heavy. I am so grateful that I have had it "easy" as far as latch/supply/etc. but at the same time, wow, it has been so difficult in other ways. I've felt very alone, very often. At times, almost trapped. I always thought that I would breastfeed until about six months. But now that the time is coming near, I feel so torn. On one hand I want to stop, to regain my freedom, to allow Roman to gain some new freedom/new relationships with others. And on the other hand, I can't even stomach the thought of stopping. I cry just thinking about it. It is such a big part of us, how can I stop it. We'll never have it back again.

It's amazing how unique every breastfeeding mother's story is and yet, how we all share this common bond over this difficult and wonderful thing....

Suzy said...

Ack! My reply didn't go through!

But thank you so much Dena for he kind words! While breast feeding may be a hard and lonely journey, it's nice to read blogs and connect with other moms who feel the same and connect with each other. And I think more moms need to encourage each other for whatever choice they make, whether it's supplementing, breast feeding till 6 months or 2 years or just using formula. I noticed that it's so black and white when it comes to breast feeding.

That quiet alone time with Sam is why I have yet to give up. You're so right, when will we ever have these moments again?

If you ever need to talk feel free to email me:)

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